START HERE: BETTER HALF TO WHOLE ORIGIN STORY

During separation and divorce, it felt like my insides were going through a meat grinder. Years spent with perpetual puffy eyelids, decision fatigue, emotional whiplash, needing support but not wanting to be around people…but not wanting to be alone… but not wanting to burden anyone.

Better Half to Whole came from a charge to offer what I have learned getting through to the other side of divorce; to provide support with all the resources I wish I would have had, and to address the unseen healing happening behind closed doors in our one bedroom apartments - or many a friend's basement in my case. I needed practical resources beyond advice about finances, court proceedings, or dating again; sifting through the messy stuff that no one could really help me with. Things like learning to trust myself again, decisions about wedding gifts, changing my name (or not), navigating changes to my social circle and family dynamic, being self conscious about my grief ruining everyone’s fun, and so much more. 

Even though I received incredible support from friends and family, I was one of the first in my circle to get divorced. No one could relate or REALLY understand what I was going through. (Check out The Loved Ones Guide - for Friends + Family Supporting the Divorcing). Would things ever feel normal again or at least not be so painful? No one else could give me answers or ease my heartbreak. I was truly in despair. That might sound dramatic, but I have read some of my old journals. Believe!

Truth be told, I held out hope far too long and refused to accept that the relationship was over. From the outside looking in, things seemed maybe… tense but fine. I was very good at hiding my distress and we even co-hosted a party months into separation so no one knew how badly we were struggling. I was overly optimistic that this was a very low point, but not the end (spoiler alert). 

Looking back now, I feel so much sympathy for my young married self. Was it supposed to be this confusing? Was marriage supposed to be THIS hard? My identity was completely wrapped up in being someone’s “better half” and being ONE after getting married. I didn’t know who I was without this other person. 

surprise solidarity

As I was confiding in a friend trying to figure out why my relationship was imploding, I felt devastated and out of control of my life. This dear friend was at a loss and said, “Maybe you should talk to John (name changed)”. John was also going through a divorce. His wife had moved out and he was doing everything in his power to get her back. He didn’t want a divorce. Even though there had been significant deception in their marriage, he was still completely dedicated to her.

I reached out. I remember feeling truly seen for the first time in months. What a gift to respond honestly to “how are you?” and not feel like I was ruining his day. Hearing, “I get it” and “I don’t know anyone else going through this, thanks for listening” provided a little twisted kind of comfort to recognize my own pain in someone else’s eyes. 

It gave me hope knowing that people I thought were amazing humans were also going through it. Over the next few months I came to find out that I had three men in my life who were also going through divorce at the same time. Not in my close circle, but friends of friends. Having them in my sphere became a lifeline. Even a brief check in, knowing exchange of glances at a coffee shop or a couple of texts served as an emotional relief. Even though I couldn’t make sense of my situation, someone understood my experience. Cue the spark for creating Better Half to Whole.

ONLINE COURSE? EXPLAIN

I’m not a therapist and it would be an exaggeration of my own emotional capacity and mental health to believe that I could come alongside everyone who needs this type of up close and personal support. Maybe someday I’ll work one on one, but more than likely we’ll have group retreats first so we can heal together in person. 

For the time being, Better Half to Whole is a self paced 100% online course designed to help you go step by step through some of the most painful and disorienting times of your life with simple yet specific exercises and times for reflection to keep you moving from day to day. It’s designed like an online college class or masterclass that go through the content at your own pace and on your own schedule. Here’s the light at the end of the tunnel - an example of someone who has made it to the other side and is offering checklists, to dos and guidance for what to do next.

Heartbreak is universal and this material is geared to all divorced people, not only women as many have assumed. The course work is not gendered which was in part inspired by the heart centered men who provided solidarity for me in my divorce process.  We need more whole and healing people in the world.

The course material includes video modules + downloadable tools to guide you through…

• Foundational day to day stuff like your basic needs, gratitude, and trust

• Moving through it by mobilizing your support system, processing emotions, and celebrating milestones

• Preparing for what’s to come like re-establishing your sense of self, anticipating heightened social situations and making plans for special occasions

Remember that starting over isn’t the same as starting from scratch. As you move out of the fog of crisis and survival mode, look forward to increased stability and sense of agency. Exercising your own influence on your own life through your internal world, your direct environment and your social network/community you will deal with the present, and then think about what’s next.

This online course and practical guide to life after divorce could be for you if… 

• You are feeling isolated, like no one "gets it" and need support beyond your friends, family and therapist

• You are moving in slow motion and are questioning what to do next in your day to day life

• You’re looking for solidarity in your experience. You wonder if you’re the only one going through this (you’re not alone!). 

TIME DOESN’T HEAL ALL WOUNDS

It’s still a little bit unbelievable to say about the last six years that I wouldn’t choose it, but I wouldn't change it. I don’t think that time heals all wounds, but it does help the scars fade. For me, the last several years have been an era of transmutation by taking this pain and turning it into medicine. Healing from a divorce that I didn’t want (at first) and absolutely did not see coming. 

Divorce isn’t the end of your life. Maybe life as you knew it, but it is the BEGINNING of another life of your choosing. Rest assured, you don’t have to put on a brave face for your computer screen.

The full online course is coming 2024!

•  Subscribe below to be the first to know when the course launches and receive bonus content. 

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• If you’re going through a divorce and need support now -  share The Loved Ones Guide - for Friends and Family Supporting the Divorcing with your well meaning family and friends to guide them through how to truly be there for you as they say they want to be. 

Love,

Madisen