The Loved Ones Guide - for Friends and Family Supporting the Divorcing is inspired by my own support system and how they showed up for me during my separation and divorce. Some of the guidance is also incited by what was hurtful, insulting or minimized my experience. All examples are our teachers.
The Loved Ones Guide equips our support systems with tools and easy go tos to provide tangible support the people they love going through divorce. Oftentimes, when we don’t know what to do, we do nothing. It makes sense, because…
we’re not taught how to comfort someone grieving
we get paralyzed thinking we’ll say or do the wrong thing
we struggle with our own boundaries, emotional regulation or stress level and don’t have the capacity
there’s tension between the decision to divorce and personal views
I get it! Even when we do know what we are supposed to do, it's not that easy. It takes a different level of awareness and margin in our own lives to be able to show up for someone else and provide support when many of us are just getting through each day. When you want to be there, but aren't sure how, this guide is for you.
Even with a solid support system, healing in the aftermath of the divorce is dealt with in private - in our own thoughts, our journal, at home, our therapist’s office, on our commute. We can’t take away the pain or speed up the healing of someone going through divorce, but we can provide support in meaningful ways when we know how. We can’t fix it, but we can show up.
So much of what I wish I could have said to my support system in the moment is included in this resource. I didn’t have it in me at the time to give an ETA on my healing, always ask for what I needed, say thank you, truly acknowledge their loss and show up as a friend/sister/daughter in the way I wished I could have. I was teetering on the edge of keeping it together and totally bottoming out. It's been six years since my divorce was finalized. It's taken six effing years to get here. Thank you for being with me. Here's to learning how to love ourselves and our loved ones better.
Love,
Madisen
PS: A little love letter to my support system
To...
my platonic plus one for life
my weekly skype date
my “you’re coming with us”
my it's on the house
my knowing hand squeeze
my ride home
my spare bedroom
my North Carolina beach trip
to my... "I think it’s time"
I love you. You did enough. Thank you for saying “I’m here”. I believed you.
